So, you went on few dates with this guy and you couldn’t help notice a few things about him. His temper quickly flares up when there was a mistake with his dinner order at the restaurant. How he snarls and disrespects his mother when he visited her. He is constantly having drama at work and would often quit a job for the next job and experience the same issue. What do you make of that situation? What do you do next? You brushed it off, and think he is just having a rough time with the wrong people. Your relationship becomes serious and a month later, while arguing, he slapped you in the face for the first time. Were you shocked? Stevie Wonder can see that this guy has issues.
So far I saw three red flags in this scenario but you would be surprised how many people don’t see the red flags. Or did they see it? Hmmm. Often times people like give each other the benefit of the doubt and hope that certain incidents does not blow up in their faces. When I meet with clients, many of them did in fact said that there were red flags in the beginning of relationship but that denial had switched into overdrive. The denial continues despite the warnings coming from friends and families.
Red flags can pop up in any situation. You might notice red flags in a potential job opportunity, or meeting a new friend at a gathering, or when making an expensive purchase like a car or a house. You want to trust your gut instinct. If something does not seem right, don’t do it. Your “gut instinct” is actually your adrenaline running through your body and it can protect you from danger.
How can people improve as far as identifying red flags? First, you have to understand why that pattern occurred in the first place? Using dating as an example, are you afraid to walk away from this relationship too early? Do you think you would not find another man? How do you really feel about yourself? Counseling can help you understand in how you dealt with red flags in the past and how to change it for the better for the future. As usual, counseling will work if you want to make that change. Understand that ignoring red flags can be a recipe for disaster.